MUNGA TEHENAN

Juzi nilipokea e-mail kutoka kwa rafiki, ambayo ilimtaja Munga Tehenan kama miongoni mwa watu aliowaheshimu sana. Nilipoona jina, nililitambua....lakini sikuwa na kumbukumbu kamili ya kuwa alikuwa ni mwandishi wa aina gani, nilisikitika kusikia kuwa amefariki dinia tayari. Naamini kuwa nilishawahi kusoma kazi yake, ila sikumbuki ni makala ipi kutoka kitabu au gazeti gani. Ningependa sana kupata fursa ya kuonana naye ana kwa ana, lakini kama alivyokuwa akiamini...ni mwili ndio umekufa, Munga Tehenan hakufa ila anaishi katika form nyingine. Nimeona makala moja aliyowahi kuandika, na nikatambua style yake na kukumbuka kuwahi kusoma uandishi wa namna yake. Shukrani kwa Jamii forum....tunaona umahiri wa lugha, na taaluma ya saikulojia na falsafa.

HII NI MAITI YA NANI!!!!!
Nilipokuwa mwanafunzi wa sekondari, niliwahi kushuhudia mwili wa mwanafunzi mwenzetu ukigombewa na wazazi wake. Huyu mwanafunzi mwenzetu alifariki ghafla shuleni na ikabidi wazazi wake wafahamishwe ili waseme maiti isafirishwe kwenda wapi.Mama alisema, maiti ya mwanaye ibaki hapo alipofia, kwani atakuja kuichukua na kuisafirisha kuipeleka kwao (mama) kwa mazishi. Baba naye alisema hivyo hivyo. Walimu wakaamini kwamba, baba na mama wanazungumza jambo lilelile. Lakini walipowasili pale shuleni, ndipo walipogundua kwamba, hawakuwa wanawasiliana na watu walio pamoja.Baba alikuwa na dini nyingine na mama alikuwa wa dini nyingine na walishaachana kitambo.

Tangu walipoachana wazazi hawa, kila mmoja akawa anamvutia mtoto aingie au afuate dini yake. Kwa jinsi tulivyokuwa tunamfahamu marehemu, hakuwa hasa mtu wa dini fulani. Wakati wa vipindi vya dini, huyu mwenzetu alikuwa anaingia mara kwenye madarasa ya waislamu, mara wakristo na alikuwa anaingia kwenye madhehebu mbalimbali.Basi, wazazi hawa walikuwa kila mmoja akitaka kuchukua mwili wa marehemu. Kila mmoja alikuwa akitoa maelezo ni kwa nini yeye ndiye anayestahili kumzika mtoto kwa dini yake. Malumbano haya yalikuwa makubwa mpaka vyombo vya dola vikahusishwa. Nakumbuka alikuja afisa mmoja wa upelelezi kwenye malumbano hayo. Katika kujaribu kutafuta muafaka, afisa huyu alizungumza kama vile kwa kuhutubia akisema: Inasikitisha kwamba, kijana wetu mpendwa, anaingizwa kwemye choyo na ubabe wa kuoneshana nani zaidi, katika hali hii ambapo hawezi kujitetea.

Naamini, huyu marehemu kwa sasa anawachukia wazazi wake wote, kwani anajua wazi hakuna anayempenda hata mmoja, bali wanatumia kifo chake kama uwanja tu wa mapambano ya kujitosha kwao.Naamini, hivi sasa marehemu angeombwa kuchagua rafiki na ndugu wa kweli, angechagua wanafunzi wenzake na walimu wa dini. Hii inatokana na ukweli kwamba, hawa hawakutaka kumpangia aabudu au kuifuata imani gani ya dini. Tunaambiwa aliingia kwa waislamu, na aliingia kwa wakristo pia, hakuzuiwa au kusemewa, alikuwa huru.

Kuwa na dini ni kuwa na uhuru. Kuwa na dini ni kuwapa wengine uhuru wa kuwa wao. Kuwa na dini siyo kutumia tatizo la mwingine kujifaharisha, kuonesha ubabe na urijali ulionao. Hiyo ni kibri ambayo kwa mtu aliyepoteza mwili kama huyu kijana wetu anaiona na kuijua vizuri, haipendi hali hii..Hotuba hiyo ilisaidia sana, kwani hatimaye ndugu wa upande wa mama na wale wa upade wa baba walikaa chini wakiwa na adabu mpya na kujadili. Hatimaye walikubaliana kijana azikwe kwa dini ya mama yake.

Miaka 30 baadaye, nakutana tena na watu wanaogombea maiti, watu wanaoamini kwamba mzoga wa binadamu una maana yoyote. Sijawahi kuona mtu akitoa shati au gauni kwenye mfuko wa nailoni na kuvaa mfuko huo badala ya kuvaa shati au gauni, nimesema sijawahi kuona, huko ni kujidanganya. Nimekuwa nikiona sana jambo hilo, ambapo ni pale watu wanapogombea mwili.Inaonesha wazi kwamba, binadamu. bado ni mjinga sana juu ya maisha yake.

Mwili, mwili ni nini, na hadi wapi? Kama mwili ungekuwa na maana sana, baada ya mtu kufariki usingekimbizwa mochuari, usingepakwa asali au usingechomwa sindano ili usiharibike na kuleta usumbufu wa harufu na maradhi. Mwili siyo mimi wala wewe. Mwili haujawahi kuwa mwenye mwili na hautakuja kuwa. Mwili ni kama tochi tu, ambayo umeiazima ili iweze kukusaidia kufika kijiji cha pili, kutokana na giza na njia ya uchochoro ambayo unatakiwa kuipita ili kufika kijiji hicho cha pili. Mwili ni kifaa na siyo wewe, bali wewe unakitumia kifaa hicho Binadamu anajibainisha kwenye maisha haya ya hapa duniani kupitia mwili wake, lakini yeye siyo mwili. Mwili ni ubainisho, ni chombo cha kutumika kwa kusudi la kidunia tu. Baada ya muda mwili hukoma kuwepo, hujimaliza wenyewe au kumalizwa, ili binadamu amudu kuingia hatua nyingine ya maisha ambayo haitumii au haihitaji mwili.

Tangu ulipozaliwa umeoneshwa na kufundishwa kwamba, wewe ni mwili kwa njia zote. Akili yako imeshika kutu kwa kuamini kwamba, mwili ni wewe na wewe ni mwili. Huna uwezo tena wa kuuona ukweli, kwa sababu vipimo vyako vyote kuhusu maisha vinaishia kwenye akili, ambayo nayo pia haikuhusu, siyo yako, umepachikwa tu. Kwa ujinga huu wa kutojua mwili ni nini na sisi ni nani, ndipo ambapo tunaingia kwenye ujinga wa kuendeshwa na miili yetu, hisia zetu na akili. Kila mmoja anaamini kwamba, mwili wake ukipotea, ukishindwa kutumika, yaani akifa, basi huo ndiyo mwisho wake. Kama hiyo ni kweli, ina maana binadamu hana maana kabisa, ni upuuzi usiofaa kuelezewa!Yaani binadamu amekuwepo ili awepo kwa mwezi mmoja, miaka kumi, hamsini, sabini, tisini, au mia tu. Halafu baada ya hapo basi. Huu ni uongo mkubwa sana, unaoweza kukubaliwa na akili makapi ya kulishwa tu! Anayetafakari zaidi kidogo, atabaini kwamba, mwili ni mwili tu, ni kasha tu.Ni kasha ambalo muda wake wa kutumika ukiisha mtumiaji au [wewe] analiacha kwa sababu haliwezi kukidhi kile anachokihitaji hapa duniani. Mtumiaji anachukua kingine ambacho kinakidhi wakati huo [baada ya kifo] . Kwa hiyo, binadamu hafi bali mwili ndiyo unaofikia ukomo wa muda wake wa matumizi kwa sababu mbalimbali.Anapokufa John au Hamisi, haina tofauti. Anapokufa mkulima hohehahe au tajiri kuliko wote duniani, pia haina tofauti. Wote wanapita kwenye hatua muhimu ya mabadiliko, ambapo wanaacha matumizi ya kifaa kilicho kuwa ndicho pekee kinachoweza kuwabainisha na wengine hapa duniani na kuchukua kingine ambacho hakiwezi kuwabainisha tena na wale wenye miili bado. Anapokufa John au Hamisi, haijalishi kama amezikwa kwa jeneza la dhahabu na mizinga 100 au kwa masululu butu na kaniki. Kuzikwa ni utaratibu wa kimazoea wa kuhifadhi mwili ambao sasa ni mzoga tu, ili usisumbue watu wengine kwa harufu na maradhi. Kuzika haina maana kwamba, kunambadili aliyekuwa akitumia mwili huo [marehemu], la hasha.

Kama unadhani kwamba Mungu anahesabu umezikwa na dini gani, umezikwa na shehe au padri gani, ndiyo afanye uamuzi wa kukupokea mbinguni au hapana, ujue unahitaji msaada wa haraka, kama siyo kupelekwa milembe. Ujue hujui chochote ingawa umekuwa ukujidanganya kwamba unajua.Mungu wa kweli hahangaiki na mzoga, bali sisi kwa ufinyu wetu ndiyo tunaodhani kwamba, mizoga au[maiti] hii ina maana. Mara nyingi nimekuwa nikiwaambia jamaa zangu, ‘nikifa, mtaangalia ni mazingira gani ni rahisi kwenu kuutupa au kuuhifadhi mwili wangu. Kwa nini? Kwa sababu, kama sikuwa karibu na Mungu wakati nikiwa na mwili, huo, ukaribu utaletwa leo wakati nimeupoteza mwili huo kwa sababu tu, mwili wangu umezikwa kwa dini ya babu yangu? Ukosefu wa ufahamu wa kiwango kikubwa sana. Kama nilikuwa karibu na Mungu wakati wa uhai wangu, basi hata nikitupwa chooni baada ya kufa, ukaribu huo hautakufa. Mungu hayatazami mambo kama Abdallah Juma au John Maiko! Kwani kuzika hasa ni kitu gani.

Hatuziki watu ili waende mbinguni. Kama ni hivyo, wanaoliwa na wanyama, kuungua na kuteketea kabisa, wao Mbinguni hawatafika? Kama hawatafika, watahukumiwa vipi siku ya mwisho? Mwili hautakiwi Mbinguni, hauna kazi huko, kwani huko siyo makazi ya miili. Mwili unafaa tu duniani Kuna zile jamii ambapo mtu akifa mwili wake huchomwa moto na kuteketezwa kabisa Unadhani hizi jamii hazimjui Mungu kama wewe unavyomjua? Zinamjua, tena pengine vizuri zaidi yako. Lakini, zimeng’amua kwamba, mwili ni kasha tu, likishindwa kufanya kazi, ni sawa na taka nyingine, hutupwa dampo na kuteketezwa kwa moto. Mtu akishauacha mwili wake [kufa] hana tena uhusiano na mwili huo. Mtu huyo anakuwa ameingia kwenye awamu nyingine ya maisha ambayo haihitaji mwili na ambayo haihitaji kujua huo mwili umezikwa na nani na wapi. Ni akili isiosogea ndiyo ambayo inashindwa kufanya mikokotoo midogo kama hii.Ukiona watu wanagombea maiti, jua kwamba, hata kama wamevaa masuti na kubandika digrii zao kwenye kila ukuta, ni watoto wadogo kiufahamu.

Ukiona mtu pia anaacha wosia mrefu wa namna anavyotaka akifa azikwe, naye huyo ni mpujufu tu wa ufahamu. Kwa nini? Unagombea kuuzika mwili wa fulani ili upate kitu gani, ili huyo marehemu naye apate nini? Hata usipouzika, kumbuka kwamba, ameshakufa na ukiuzika, ameshakufa pia. Haifanyi tofauti yoyote kwa kweli. Kama nilivyosema awali, huuziki mwili ili uende Mbinguni kwa sababu mbingu haiko ardhini. Unaufukia ili usisumbue kwa harufu.Ukienda kwenye nchi zenye vita hasa vya wenyewe kwa wenyewe, utagundua kirahisi kwamba, maiti hana maana, maiti ni msumbufu kwa kunuka na kusambaza magonjwa.

Tunazika kwa sababu tuna nafasi ya kuhifadhi mwili kwa heshima na taratibu ambazo zinaonesha kujali mwili wa mwenzetu ambao ulitumika kufanya mema au maovu. Kwenye kizuizi na misukosuko au vita, hakuna anayeweza kukumbuka, siyo kuzika bali hata kufukia maiti. Kila mmoja anafikiria kuendelea kubaki na mwili wake kwanza. Aliyepoteza wake, basi hakuna anayemjali, kwani haina maana kabisa kumjali. Hata aina nyingine za mazishi zinaonesha tu ujinga na utoto wa binadamu. Mazishi ya kifahari yenye kuhusisha majeneza ya dhahabu na vyakula na vinywaji vya bei mbaya. Ni ujinga uliopindukia kwa sababu, inawezekana kabisa marehemu au wanaotoa fedha hizo hawajawahi kumsaidia aliye hai hata kwa chupi ya mguu. Sasa kusaidia huo mzoga kwa mapambo inaongeza kitu gani? Nimesema unapoona mtu anaacha wosia ili azikwe vipi, wosia ambao wakati mwingine ni kero tupu, ujue huyo naye ni mtoto wa miaka sita, bila kujali anamiliki au amesoma hadi kiwago gani. Ni utoto kwa sababu, unapoacha mwili, siyo kazi yako kusema huo mwili ufanyiwe kitu gani. Waliobaki, wanaweza kuamua kuuchoma mishikaki [kama wanakula watu], wanaweza kuukausha na kuuweka kwa maonesho, wanaweza kuufukia kwenye kijishimo cha futi tano na ukafukuliwa na fisi usiku, na wanaweza kuuzika kwa matarumbeta na sanduku la dhahamu. Ni hiari yao. Ukishauacha mwili huna mamlaka nao tena. Ni wale waliobaki ndiyo wanaolimbuka nao tu. Nimekuwa nikitazama hii tabia ya kugombea maiti kwa jicho lenye mashaka na ufahamu wa binadamu, hofu zake na ufisadi wa nafsi alionao. Mtu amekufa, wewe unasema nataka nimzike mimi, sawa. Kwani mbona huendi hospitalini ukaulizia maiti ambazo hazina ndugu na kuzichukua ili ukazizike? Wewe si unapenda kuzika na unaamini kumzika mtu kwa dini yako ni jambo kubwa na la maana sana? Pia hospitalini, utapewa maiti nyingi zisizo na ndugu. Ukishazipata zibadili majina na kuziingiza kwenye dini yako kwa mujibu wa utaratibu wa dini yako. Halafu zika! Hiyo huitaki kwa sababu haina maslahi, haina kuonesha ubabe ambao umefundishwa na wazazi, na jamii na pengine hata na dini yako hiyohiyo. Kugombea maiti ni kujiogopa. Kugombea maiti ni kujitafuta kimakosa. Kugombea maiti ni kutojua dini. Kugombea maiti ni kudhani mtu anaweza kuwa na uhuru wa kuwa mtu mwingine. Kugombea maiti ni kufikiri wewe ni mwili, Kugombea maiti ni njaa ya mali au haja ya kupanda kithamani. Kwa ujumla ni ubabe wa kimtaa zaidi. Mara nyingi imeshatokea, anapookotwa maiti na watu wakaanza kuulizana, jamani maiti hii ni ya nani? Ujue maiti hiyo itazikwa na serikali. Hakuna mtu au kundi la kidini la eneo hilo ambalo litajitokeza kuichukua na kuizika maiti hiyo kwa imani yake. Hilo haliwezekani kwa sababu halina utamu. Halina kubishana, halina kulumbana, halina ujuaji na ubabe. Anasubiriwa mtoto mwenye mzazi walioachana na walio na dini tofauti. Huyu akifa, hasira na visasi vyote vya nyuma vinaishia kwenye mwili wake. Atasubiliwa yule ambaye alishakuwa kwenye dini yetu akatoka, huyo akifatuna sababu ya kugombea maiti. Kama nilivyosema, hapo kuna malumbano na ujuaji na kuoneshana. Halafu bado mnajiita mnatumikia dini, zipi? Ni ujinga tu.

Rest in Peace, Munga Tehenan.

Verbalizing and getting a date

This one made my day, LOL...not because I think he's funny, but it reminds me of my teen years. Boys giving one another techniques on how to get girls. I learned a few and tried some, too. Joe needs a little help....he's 18 but any man can get something from his question. This is the type I like to ask my readers to contribute. Read Joe's e-mail question:

Hi the doctor 2 be,

I have one problem and that is the art of flirting, how to attract and have a girl, in most cases i fail to how to tell .and sometimes i feel am a looserbcause all ma friends laugh @ me. i live in Oslo and there are really hot girls but i do no,how to trap them in ma nett. and another thing is dat when am introduced to the stranger i run out of words to say ,i would like to be da most talkactive but damn how, i hope u will help me thanks am Joe ,18 yrs.

RESPONSE:

Joe, at that age it's normal to be a little shy to approach girls. Sometimes fear of rejection gets in the way of your chance to get your favorite girl's attention....date...or who knows what. There are many helpful tips; I will give a few and I anticipate many comments on this posting.

To thine own self be true: Be confidence in your own skin; by that I mean you should know who you are, how special you are in your own way, and acknowledge your strengths. Whatever comes from your mouth when you talk to that girl, make sure that it doesn't conflict your set of beliefs, values, essence, knowledge. If you are confident it shows....don't pretend to be what you're not, that's a recipe for a nervous disaster.

Love thyself: Take time to take care of yourself, at all times be clean...smell good, put on nice clothes (to your taste). It boosts confidence, and it is attractive. Don't forget to highlight your gifts/talents when the opportunity presents itself, or find it (not forcefully, though). Speak clearly with a normal tone.

To all girls be a gentleman: Show interest in them, start with a smile and be the first to say hello...and introduce yourself at the right environment. Pull chairs, open doors, take coats...all that. Be aware of your body language at all times, appear open for communication. Make eye contact, and when your sights meet...smile!. Remember their names, and say their names at hello, and at good-bye.

Learn conversation skills, many girls like to talk and be listened. That could be a positive for quiet guys with confidence. Read and be aware of current events so that you can have something to share. The truth about women, whether young or old...they are not all the same, neither are men. So there's no one size fits all formula. Some like introverts, others like extroverts. That is why it is important to not try to be something you're not, to fit in.

Amongst those cute girls in Oslo there could be one, or some that like your personality, and would like to talk to you (at least). Don't be afraid to walk up to them and start a small conversation after introduction. You won't die, if they aren't interested be assured that there is someone who is interested in you....and she might be too shy to start talking to you. Sometimes all you need to do is JUST DOING IT...when u start talking you will talk, if you don't...you wont, and you won't get the number or a rejection.

Let's go Joe!

I hope to get comments from other readers, too.

Tatizo katika penzi

Love can build you up, and it also can break you down. Love is as complex as it's own definition. Nimepokea swali kutoka kwa Penny, asante kwa e-mail na pongezi.

Dada penny ana tatizo:

Dear Dr. Wannabe,
Nakushukuru sana kwa moyo mkuu ulionao, sharing with us your experience ni mbaraka mkubwa kwetu, nimtangulize mwenyezi Mungu kwa kutupa wasaa na akili pia. Mungu akubariki sana.

Mimi ni mwanamke mwenye umri wa miaka 37 sasa, nina watoto wawili wenye umri 11.F na 9.M, Nimetengana na mume wangu toka mwaka 2005. 2006 nikapata mwanaume alienipenda tukawa tunaishi wote hadi sasa. Tatizo ni mlevi sana na ni mdogo kwangu kwa miaka miwili, wazazi wake hawanipendi kiasi kwamba wamemtafutia mwanamke wa kabila lao Mjaluo amuoe. Kwa upande wangu niko kama nimekata tamaa naye coz ugomvi kati yetu umekua ni kawaida sana kwasababu ya pombe na umalaya wake.

Juzi jumamosi nilikwenda zangu kanisani kurudi nikakuta kabeba kila kitu chake kaondoka kaenda kuishi na dada yake Ilala. Hakuniaga na mimi sijamuuliza kwanini kafanya hivyo coz najua kashatoa mahari huko musoma anataka kuoa. Ananinambia mimi nitakua girlfriend wake ila anahitaji kuoa kwa kua mimi sijadivorce. Nimeshindwa kudivorce kwakua ndoa yangu ni ya kanisana na huyo jamaa kakataa kunipa divorce na amesema hataoa anataka turudiane mimi sitaki. Ukweli ni kwamba nampenda sana huyu jamaa kias nashindwa hata kulala namuwaza sn hata sijui nifanyeje.

Jana kanitumia ujumbe kuwa "I AM CONFUSE DARLING! NADHANI AM GOING TO CALL OFF EVERYTHING I DON'T THINK I WILL BE HAPPY IN THE FUTURE. I LOVE U. Akimaanisha hataki tena kuoa, sasa mimi ananichanganya hebu nisaidie nifanye je? ama nimshauri je?

Thank you for your time
Penny

RESPONSE:

Mpendwa dada Penny,

Pole kwa matatizo unayokabiliana nayo. Unaonekana ni mtu wa imani....ujue kuwa mungu anakupenda dada yangu. I'm not concerned about him, it's you I worry about. Relationship yenu iko complicated, ingawa simsapoti mpenzi wako wa sasa, namwelewa frustration zake. Sooner or later anataka asettle down awe na mke, na future yenu iko uncertain kwa kuwa bado unahesabika mke wa mtu. Jaribu kujiweka katika nafasi yake...imagine uko na mwanaume ambaye hajaachana na mkewake ingawa wametangana....na hujui kama watakuja achana au lini...it's rough. There's no excuse for umalaya wake.

Swali langu kwako, why are you even wasting your time with him kama ni malaya? Ulevi tuweke kando...huenda ndio jinsi yake ya ku cope na stress kichwani mwake, na kugombana ni manifestation ya hizo stress. Lakini suala la kutembea na wanawake wengine...that's a serious deal breaker. Kwa kweli Tanzania kujihusisha kimapenzi na mtu unayejua kuwa ni malaya ni sawa na kucheza na bastola ambayo unahisi inarisasi. Unasema unampenda sana huyu bwana, sawa....swali langu kwako ni do you love YOU?...do you love your precious kids' mother?

Penny, Huyo mwanaume anayeamuliwa kila kitu na wazazi wake bado, siyo mwanaume wakukufaa katika age yako. Sad thing is that your kids are witnessing your relationship, you are your daughter's role model. She is learning to "love" like her mother, to be a woman who puts up with a cheating husband. That it is okay to constantly fight and argue in a relationship. Bwana wako ana-influence katika makuzi ya mtoto wako wa kiume pia, kama anashuhudia your fights, and the way your man treats you...he's learning subconsciously to be that kind of man.

Nakwambia siri kuhusu most of African American men as an example....many of them treat women as warm meats with fresh blood. Bitches, ho's, and....yes MEAT are some of the names they refer to in the streets when talking about their women. Si kwa majina tu, bali hata kwa matendo. Unajua kwa nini? kwa sababu wamejifunza kwa wakubwa wao tangu wangali watoto, kama wanakua wakiona mama zao wenyewe wakiwa treated like MEAT what do you expect them to treat girls they sleep with?. No offense to those married to some few good African Americans, for the record...not all of them are like that.

My advice to you...take a break. Andaa dina nzuri, nunua candles weka na maua yenye harufu nzuri mezani....put your favorite slow music on mwambie kuwa mnahitaji alone time for a day, just the two of you. Mkimaliza kula mwambie feelings zako honestly...not in any judgemental or argumentative tone, acknowledge his strength in the relationship, too. If he becomes fire, be water. Tell him that you both need to separate for the moment, and reflect on your relationship. I say give eachother two weeks...no sex, no physical contacts, simu inaruhusiwa lakini hakuna kuongelea mapenzi. That's your time to reflect HONESTLY. Ask Penny:

• What do you really want in your life...what are you missing?
• What is the most important thing to you right now, and what are your responsibilities?
• If you were a man of your dreams, would you date or marry you?, why?
• Are you happy with the way you are as a person? (not what you have)
• Do you deserve this constant fighting, this drama, this pain, this drunkard?
• Are you going to be alright without a man in your life?
• How much longer can you take living in the state you're in if nothing changes?Is it worth it?

You're a woman, your intuition on this matter is right...but sometimes you need to back it with reason. When you work on those questions, you will have the reasons from yourself, for yourself. Itafaa zaidi ukiyajibu kwa kuandika kama essay, halafu usome kwa sauti mara kwa mara.

Kuhusiana na swali la mwisho, sikushauri kujihusisha deep in serious relationship with anybody mpaka umalizane na ex-husband. Guess what, he still runs the show and controls your life with a remote controller. If you know your right as a woman, and a human being go get it!. Look, I believe in God too....and he's the supreme, the all knowing, the almighty, the most compassionate. He knows what's in your heart, he created us all, right?. You don't want this man, evidently you don't love him...ndoa yenu imeshindwa. It's time for you to take control back in your life. Mimi sio mtaalamu wa dini, wala sheria, if you're catholic jaribu kuongea na wakuu wa kanisa kuhusu uwezekano wa annulment. Jaribu kwa viongozi tofauti, unaweza kukuta wengine wako biased kwa waume...ikishindikana Tanzania nitumie e-mail. There has to be a way, and you can do it...ikibidi hata kimahakama.

Take a time off and work on yourself, then get annulment/divorce taken care of...and appreciate your good qualities. Just enjoy your own company sometimes, be your own best friend first and foremost. You will see the changes on how others look at you. Love will come to you at the right time, when you're ready for it...it better be real next time. It may come in the same flesh (as your current man) but different attitude, or it can be someone totally new.

Good Luck!.

Nifanye Nini Nipungue?

Haya, nashukuru kwa response nzuri sana. Nimepata maswali, maoni, mawazo na michango mbalimbali kutoka kwa watu tofauti. Nathamini kila e-mail/comments ninazopata...samahani kama swali lako likichelewa kujibiwa katika muda mfupi.

Nimepokea swali toka kwa nduku yetu mwenye tatizo la unene. Ni swali fupi lakini ni la makini na umuhimu mkubwa. Soma chini.


Hey

Ebwana nahitaji msaada wako, mimi ni mwanaume mwenye miaka 25, nina kg 118 na urefu 186cm, nifanye nini nipungue na nipungue kwa kiwango gani ki afya?

Darius.

RESPONSE:
Nakupongeza kwa kuchukua hatua ya kutaka kutafuta ufumbuzi wa jambo muhimu katika maisha yako, afya yako. Zipo njia nyingi zinazotumiwa na wataalam wa mambo ya afya kujua kama mtu anauzito wa juu zaidi ya inavyotakiwa, wa chini ama yupo katika uzito mzuri. BMI ama body mass index inatumika zaidi, lakini inaudhaifu wake.

Njia nzuri na rahisi kujijua kama uko hatarini kiafya kwa unene ni kupima mzunguko wa kiuno chako. Zungusha tape measure ikutanikie pale kwenye kitovu. Kama mzunguko ni mkubwa kuliko nusu ya kimo chako, basi unahatari kubwa kupata maradhi kama ya moyo, shinikizo la juu la damu, kisukari, n.k. Kiuno chako kinatakiwa kiwe chini ya nusu ya kimo chako. Usijali mzani kwa sana, haswa baada ya kuanza programu ninayokushauri uianze. Kiafya, kiuno chako (ukipimia kitovuni) kisizidi cm 93.

Njia za kupunguza uzito ni mazoezi, na kula vizuri (kiafya). Yaani vyakula natural kama mbogamboga (isiungwe kwa nazi nziiito, au kukaangwa). Unaweza kutengeneza salad, au kachumbari hata kuchemsha kwa mafuta ya maji (Haswa olive oil, vegetable oil). Punguza sana nyama ya ng'ombe, nguruwe, kondoo na mafuta mafuta kwa ujumla. Usile ngozi ya kuku, kula samaki badala ya nyama ikiwezekana, punguza vitamtam (naamina vinavyoongezwa sukari) kama umezoea vitu vitamu tumia maunda badala yake...matunda ni muhimu. Kula whole grains...kama unapenda ugali, tumia sembe isiyokobolewa tena usile sana, mikate ile ya ngano haswa inakuwa brownish, mchele tumia wa brown, usile unga mweupe.

Muhimu sana...hata ufuate yote hayo kama unakula chakula kingi kwa mpigo utanenepa tu. Ni muhimu kujipimia kiasi chako....kila mlo tumia ngumi kama kipimo. Kata chakula size ya ngumi.....au kama ni nyama/samaki size ya kiganja. Point ni kula kidogo kidogo mara nyingi. Hakikisha unakunywa breakfast kila siku, lunch na supper...katikati yake jazia kwa matunda kama snacks. Jipe saa moja baada ya kula kabla kwenda kulala. Pia anza mazoezi taratibu lakini, onana na daktari kabla ya kuanza mazoezi...anza kutembea nusu saa kila siku ya mungu, ukimudu ongeza nuususaa nyingine.

Fanya resistance exercises pia (yaani u-challenge mwili kushindana na gravity) kutumia mwili wako mwenyewe kwanza anza na Push ups, sit ups, na squats bila ya kubeba vyuma. Ukiweza kupiga push ups 12 mfululizo, squats 15 mfululizo na situps 15 mfululizo ongezea uzito, nunua weights set zako ama nenda gym....kama huna uwezo ongeza tu namba ya Push ups fanya 12 pumzika kisha fanya 12 nyingine mara tatu...kisha hivyohivyo squats. Na situps....lakini muhimu usiache kutembea kila siku ya mungu ongeza speed kadri unavyomudu. Ukienda gym...fanya zaidi mazoezi yanayohusisha misuli mikubwa na mingi kama vile squats, bench press, pull ups, rows. (Kifua, Mapaja/matako, na mgongo ni misuli mikubwa mwilini) Ukijenga misuli unakuwa na uwezo wa kupungua mafuta mwilini haraka.

Huo ni ushauri wa jumla, ambao mtu yoyote anaweza kuufuata....lakini kunamaswali unapaswa kujiuliza, kwanini umenenepa mpaka kufikia hapo? kitu gani kimesababisha?....wengine ni matatizo ya ndani ya mwili, wengine wanarithi unene tangu utotoni lakini wengine hunenepa kwa kula kuziba tatizo fulani linalosumbua nyoyo zao. Sijui situation yako, ni kazi ninayokupa uifikirie imekuaje umefika hapo ulipo....usipopata jibu unaweza kupungua lakini ukarudia hapo hapo au zaidi. Huenda ni suala linahitaji daktari haswa wa hospitali.

Nakushauri uonane na daktari kwanza....kama haiwezekani basi anza taratibu, jipe muda lakini weka juhudi kila siku, na ujue kuwa utaratibu huu mpya wa kula kiafya na kushughulisha mwili unaweza kuwa wa kudumu. Badala ya kubeba vyuma na kukimbia unaweza kucheza soka kila siku, ama kuendesha baskeli...lakini kuwa active ni muhimu.

Kila la heri.

Nimwambieje?

Nimepokea e-mail ya kwanza, kutoka kwa mwanadada anonymous. Kwa kuwa Blog yetu ni ya faida kwa wote, nimepunguza makali ya baadhi ya maneno. Soma Chini.

Dr Wannabe
Naomba unipe nafasi nina tatizo na bwana wangu ambaye nimeishi naye miaka minne. Tulipoanza uhusiano alikuwa na mwili mzuri, kifua kimejaa misuli na tumbo tambarare. Alikuwa akiishi pekeyake, tumeishi pamoja miaka mitatu na sasa hanivutii tena kimapenzi kwani tumbo limezidi, na hutokwa majasho na kuhema sana tunapokutana, na tumbo linamzuia kunifikia. Napenda mwanaume mwenye kifua cha simba, sasa hivi naweza kumvisha sidiria ndogo. najilaumu kwa kumpikia, je nifanyeje kumwambia bila kumkasirisha?.

Asante Anon, Russia.

RESPONSE:
Hongera kwa kuwa wa kwanza kutuma swali zuri. Usijilaumu kwa kumpenda hapo awali, lakini najiuliza ulimpendea nini?. Kama ulimpendea mwili peke yake?. Najiuliza maswali mengi ambayo ni challenge ya kwanza ya kutoa counseling kwa njia hii...sipati picha kamili. Nitajaribu kadri ya uwezo wangu. Sijui umri wako, uamuzi wako katika mapenzi kama ni mwili tu, labda unapendelea tu company na kustareheshana punde mnapotaka. Hakuna ubaya, lakini kama ni hivyo hakukuwa na haja ya kuishi naye kama mke na mume. Kama unampenda zaidi ya mwili tu na unajali afya yake, na unafikiri kuishi naye daima ama muda mrefu mungu akubariki. Kuna good news! Anaweza kurudi kama awali endapo ataanza kula vizuri na kufanya aina ya mazoezi yatakayofanya mwili uwe katika hali nzuri kiafya. Afanye mazoezi ya resistance, na cardio. Kubeba vyuma au mazoezi yoyote yanayo challenge misuli ya mwili against gravity. Push ups na Chest presses zitajenga kifua cha simba, cardio zitamaliza kule kukuhemea. Je wewe mwenjewe uko katika good shape?. Jinsi ya kumshauri ni kuanza kumpikia chakula cha kiafya, punguza mafuta mafuta, vitamtam. Muombe akusindikize kufanya mazoezi, fanya naye wote mtafaidika. mnunulie kitabu cha mazoezi au vifaa na umsifie anavyopendeza kadri anavyofanya mazoezi. Wote mtafaidika na mtafaidi kufanya mapenzi. By the way, every 35 pounds he loses he will gain 1 inch of penis length. Itakufikia barabara!. Natumai nimesaidia.

PS. Jiulize tena kama uko tayari kuwa naye muda mrefu, na kama kuna zaidi ya mwili wake unachokipenda zaidi. Jiulize ni mwanaume wa aina gani unayemtaka na kumhitaji. He might be the one if you look deep inside you, if not...baby u might want to find another man that you care for deeper than his outer shell. Kwani he's likely to get even fatter sooner or later even if he gets back in shape now.

Saikolojia Tanzania

Nasikitishwa na uchache wa wataalamu wa saikolojia nchini kwetu Tanzania. Hali ngumu ya maisha, matatizo mbalimbali ya kiafya, kielimu, na kimahusiano kwa ujumla husababisha watu wengi kuteseka na maradhi ya kiakili bila kueleweka na jamii wanamoishi. Matokeo yake ni kufanya maisha kuzidi kuwa magumu. Wakati mwingine jamani kupata mtu wa kumsikiliza shida za mtu tu huweza kuboresha hali ya mtu kwa kiwango kikubwa kabisa.

Binadamu wote hufikwa na majanga yanayo changanya akili wakati na wakati, sisi si miungu, tunahitaji misaada ya binadamu wenzetu...au hata wanyama wakati mwingine ili kuendelea kuishi katika hali nzuri kiakili. Wapo watoto wengi wanaouguza wazazi wao walioathirika na virusi vya ukimwi, kwa kweli huu ni mzigo mkubwa kwa watoto ambao bila ya msaada wa ndugu, jirani, jamaa huweza kuathiri maisha yao hata ukubwani. Wakati mwingine hata hao jamaa wanaweza wasisaidie katika kusaidia kuponya mioyo inayonung'unika ya watoto hao. Hapo ndipo msaada wa wataalamu wa saikolojia unapokuwa muhimu haswa.

Matatizo katika mahusiano kati ya binadamu na wenzake; iwe mpenzi, mzazi, rafiki, au hata mfanyakazi mwenziwe huweza kusababisha mtafaruku na mfarakano. Wapo watu wengi wenye akili mno ambao hufikwa na misukosuko ya mahusiano wasijue la kufanya, msaada wa mwanasaikolojia huweza kumsaidia kufikiri na kutatua tatizo alilonalo kwa ufasaha.

Tupo wengi tunaoishi ughaibuni, binadamu wote wana haki ya kutafuta maisha bora kuliko waliyo nayo, tena ikumbukwe kuwa tupo jinsi tulivyo kwa sababu ya kukimbia maumivu (kiroho, kiakili, kijamii, kifedha n.k) na kutafuta raha (raha ya moyoni). Wakati mwingine hutafuta raha kwa gharama ambayo mioyo yetu haiwezi kuibeba....matokeo yake tunajikuta tunaojiongezea lundo la maumivu tunayoyakimbia. Si rahisi kuishi mbali na watu wako, familia n.k. Wapo wanaoishi kwa uoga, wengine bila ya mapenzi ya kweli ndani ya nyumba...na hawana wa kumweleza masononeko ya nyoyo zao. Nipo kwa ajili yenu nyote (kadri ya uwezo wangu). Tafadhali usijikalie kimya kwenyekona huku ukiumia kila siku...msaada upo. Usiteseke bure, binadamu ni waovu sana....lakini ni wema mno.

Kama unatatizo lolote, swali, au chochote kile kinachosumbua roho yako na akili yako, tafadhali nitumie e-mail. Ukitaka weka jina lako, au nickname, au kuwa anonimous. Nitafurahi kukupa ushauri wangu, na endapo ni suala gumu kwangu...nitatafuta wenzangu tushirikiane. Swali lako litasaidia wengi zaidi, you will be paying it forward...just for your question. Ombi/swali lako pia ni msaada kwangu katika kuboresha taaluma hii ya saikolojia ya ushauri....na itanisaidia kuwa na uzoefu zaidi na uwezo zaidi wa kusaidia wengine.

Tuma swali, ombi maoni kwangu kwa lugha ya kiswahili, au English. Ninatumia kiswahili ili wengi walio nchini Tanzania wasioelewa vizuri lugha ya kiingereza waweze kufaidika. Lakini nitakuwa nikibadilisha badilisha au hata kuchanganya...napenda ujisikie huru kufanya hivyo pia.

Dr. Wannabe
e-mail (wannabe.dr@gmail.com)